Why I had a crush on Dasha Nekrasova
Angelic ass vibes
I don’t really know Dasha Nekrasova. That’s the first thing that I should say here. I shook her hand but I don’t know her.
Like six months ago she walked past me and we made eye contact on the sidewalk outside East Berlin. It was after that fire at the club at Nublu. The week before, the Nublu week, I hadn’t started listening to wet brain so I literally didn’t know who the fuck these people were, but then they rescheduled the party… and I was like dope, I’ll go to East Berlin and maybe I’ll see Dasha Nekrasova there and we’ll hang out and then maybe we’ll, you know, and then, boom! I’m a niche internet microcelebrity and that’ll be, like, perfect for me.
Anyway, I was standing in line at East Berlin and this blonde girl wearing a white top and a tennis skirt walked right by me and we made some dark eye contact and it felt so right and I was pretty sure it was Dasha Nekrasova.
At the time I did not know about all that which contributes to her aura—like the memes and podcasts and posts and stuff on the computer internet. But I had stumbled across an angelicism-X-dasha account called @perfectangelicism01dasha which had a bunch of images of angelic girls with quotes laid over the top.
Indeed, there was considerable mystery bubbling around at the time about who exactly angelicism01 was. It was like Sparticus. “No, I’m Angelicism01! No, I’m Angelicism01!!”
Without solid evidence, I began telling myself this story in my head: I was flirting with Dasha Nekrasova through DMs via her anonymous meme persona, angelicism01. Ever since then I’ve had a crush on Dasha Nekrasova.
Now for those not aware let me be clear: angelicism01 is definitely not Dasha Nekrasova. I was way off.
So maybe the answer is more simple. Maybe my heart is lonely, but I can’t let myself fall in love with anyone real, so I come up with these fantasy narratives because then I won’t have to find out whether I am as good as I hope I am, or whether or not I’m capable of loving the way I want to love.
Or maybe I just want to put my [REDACTED] [REDACTED] inside Dasha Nekrasova. She is very sexy. The more I encountered her artwork — and I consider her entire online presence to be, essentially, her artwork — the more I realized how smart she is. And how funny. I saw The Scary of Sixty-First thinking that she would be at the screening, and after the screening, we’d hang out, and then we’d, you know, and then, you know, everything would be just great! Turns out she wasn’t at the screening or the Q&A afterwards. But lo and behold, the movie was actually really good and she was hilarious on-screen. You get a good sense for Dasha Nekrasova’s sense of humor in that film because she wrote and directed it. That’s a five-star quality for me, writing and directing your own film. Very. Frickin. Hot.
In The Scary of Sixty-First her acting was off-beat in the sense that it was like she was letting you in on a little secret, the secret of the two realities: the reality of the film and the reality of Dasha Nekrasova, real life internet character, sleuth, terrorist. Anyway, the movie was funny; the slapstick retard jokes and the menorahs scattered throughout got me going. On top of that, she channeled God himself and cast actor Betsey Brown as an increasingly unhinged demon-possessed Epstein-sex doll. Betsey Brown was and is possibly the greatest actor alive and in the history of acting, and after seeing her absolutely go town in TSO61st, you really can’t argue with that statement and if you’d like to, then frankly go fuck yourself.
The point is: Betsey Brown’s brother is Peter Vack, who runs an influential meme account called “themasterofcum” and his girlfriend is this gorgeous Jewish model named Ava Pearlman, who is also friends with… you already know who.
That’s not the point. Look. I’m just a [REDACTED] with chronic back pain. Typing on his ToJiba laptop, posting to the computer internet. But there are moments, special moments, during my bimonthly episodic high-functioning amygdalic cycles in which I feel that I could truly intersect art and technology and at that intersection, we could kiss. Just you and me, Dasha Nekrasova.